love in the living room

Secretly Stupid

If you've ignored your better judgement and checked out Secret Girlfriend on Comedy Central, then you already know it's the worst show on television. The constant sexism and occasional racism are big problems, but to find out what makes this show so unwatchably bad, look no further than the description from ComedyCentral.com:

Based on Atomicwedgietv.com's groundbreaking comedy series of the same name, the show follows you, your buddies and your multiple girlfriends as you deal with wild pool parties, lesbian bars, Internet fame and more. Each episode is shot entirely from your point of view and contains two back-to-back mini-sodes in which you navigate the local nightlife, hang out with friends, and try and decide which girlfriend to hang on to while keeping them from finding out about each other.

That's right, the show is shot entirely in first person (second person?), from the point of view "You". You is a white heterosexual man in You's 20s who must be extremely charming and good-looking because every woman You meets wants to do You. We see other characters interact with You by addressing the camera, but You remains silent, and the viewer can only see You speak through You's text messages, which don't get much more interesting than "Be there soon."

You basically spends the episode following You's wacky friends around while they unsuccessfully hit on women and make jokes that invariably fall flat. You always ends up in proximity to women undressing, pouring drinks down each other's shirts, or performing public sex acts. You also likes to ogle women by zooming in on their body parts -- it just so happens that every woman at every place You visits looks like an underwear model -- and these women LOVE to be zoomed in on. In fact, every one of them responds with come-hither eye contact. The idea is that the viewer can live vicariously through You while you get lucky.

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I'm sure the wunderkinds behind Secret Girlfriend would celebrate it being called thinly veiled porn for adolescent boys. But my question is, WHY WOULD BOYS WATCH THIS INSTEAD OF ACTUAL PORN? Teens these days can see fully naked people doing anything and everything via the magic of the internet -- and the acting is probably better! Why do they settle for this porn-lite garbage? But, while Secret Girlfriend has been panned by critics, ratings averaged 1.37 million viewers over the first four episodes. That makes it one of Comedy Central's strongest shows.

I can only guess that impressionable adolescent viewers are more intrigued by the premise than the T&A: 20-something dudes not working, getting wasted, dating lots of girls, etc. I admit it seems pretty fun from a teen perspective, and these activities wouldn't be so bad in a different context. It's just that this context is built around representations of women as giggling sex objects who happily go home with the men in the car next to them, or get turned on when they catch their neighbor spying while they do yoga. (Yep, those things happened. No, it still wasn't interesting.) Seriously, can't we just go back to the bored-housewife-meets-delivery-boy thing?

[Also posted at bitchmagazine.org]

Cougar Me This

I have no aversion to the romantic comedy format. Show me a quirky heroine, a funny/cocky/cute love interest, a sassy best friend, and I'll generally follow you anywhere. But, while ABC's Cougar Town has all of these things, I just wasn't interested. Why? Because the word "cougar" is in the title.

I've been trying to sit this whole "cougar" thing out since about 2006, but it just won't die. Why does this stupid word live on? The double-standard is already well noted: Men over 40 have been hooking up with younger women for ages, therefore it's sexist to have a derogatory term for women who do the same thing. Maybe the word has staying power precisely because it's been deemed derogatory. Now TV writers are deluding themselves that the word is both funny and controversial. (It's neither.)

I could only assume that a show called Cougar Town would be woefully, painfully, pathetically unfunny as well. But I'm happy to say it's not. Courtney Cox is still a great physical comedian, Christie Miller is more delightfully neurotic than ever, and I love Busy Phillips. I just love her. The three share a lot of fast-paced dialog that makes me laugh in spite of myself...and in spite of some pretty disturbing lines, like, "I used to be young and hot, now I'm just a big pile of old."
Yes, body insecurity absolutely dominates the conversation, and it's especially hard to swallow coming from the painstakingly preserved Courtney Cox (playing Jules), who is still hotter than most 22-year-olds. If ABC wants to do this cougar thing, why not go with the uber-aggressive sex goddess in leopard print and stilettos who seduces young men for her own pleasure? That stereotype is a lot more fun than the wrinkle-obsessed basket case frantically clinging to her youth.

The most annoying thing about the title is that it doesn't even describe the show. Of the three female leads, Jules is the only single woman over 40, and she's pretty timid about dating due to her recent divorce. She's seeing a few younger guys, but her main love interest is a same-aged neighbor. Why isn't the show just called " Rom-Com Village" or "Finding Herself City"? The age difference between Jules and her younger partners is uneventful, and totally beside the point.

If you're looking for a guilty pleasure, Cougar Town might do it for you. (I, for one, am keeping my season pass.) Just be sure to have a paper and pen handy, because you might want to note your discontent once they start weighing themselves or whatever.

[Also posted at bitchmagazine.org]

The Price of Fey-m

There’s a lot to love about Tina Fey’s sexy-geek image. For instance, “Geeks can be sexy!” is an awesome message, as is “Sexy women can be geeks!” (Okay, maybe there are only two things to love.) I think it’s safe to say we get it: She’s hot. She’s smart. She’s hot, yet smart. And vice-versa.

But Fey’s sex appeal is no accident — it’s the price she paid for fame. In January’s Vanity Fair feature, Maureen Dowd gushes about “how a tweezer, cream rinse, a diet, and a Teutonic will transformed a mousy brain into a brainy glamour-puss.” Dowd thrills at the success of the makeover that made Fey fit for the camera, and her enthusiasm for weight loss and designer clothes is unsettling. No one wants to picture Liz Lemon doing Weight Watchers...

Fey’s usually portrayed as an idiosyncratic sex symbol (retro poses and vintage leotards , oh my!), but her hotness is hardly happenstance. Our beloved Lemon simply wouldn’t exist if Fey didn’t work to maintain her girlish figure. As Fey put it, “I like to look goofy, but I also don’t want to get cancelled because of my big old butt.”

I had always puzzled when, on 30 Rock, Fey’s Liz Lemon alter ego obsessed about junk food or just gleefully shoved it into her mouth. I told myself that Fey was probably just one of those people who ate and ate and never gained a pound, but it was wishful thinking. Fey’s love of junk food is for real but she doesn’t get to enjoy it like she used to. When she was writing for SNL she was 5’4” and weighed 150 pounds. She went to Weight Watchers and slimmed down significantly to be an anchor on "Weekend Update" (the second female anchor since Jane Curtin left the show in 1980). Now Fey stays thin in order to play a woman who eats and eats.

For the record, I admire Tina Fey, and her portrayal of Liz Lemon totally lights up my Thursday night. I wouldn’t want Lemon to stop eating just so her lifestyle matched her figure, and I wouldn’t want Fey to be less than sensationally successful. It’s just sad that a woman with Fey’s talent isn’t allowed to be on TV unless she’s conforming to a very specific standard of size. And it’s sad that Liz Lemon can say she loves food but can’t look like she loves food.

So yeah, geeks can be sexy. And if they’re geeky women on TV, they have to be sexy. And no woman on TV can be sexy without being unrealistically thin. Sigh, I need a cookie.

[Original version posted on January 8, 2009 at bitchmagazine.org]

Saturday Night Ladies

These days, Kristin Wiig's practically the star of Saturday Night Live, Amy Poehler's departure is still bemoaned in every "Weekend Update", and all the world's in love with Tina Fey. SNL seems to be getting a reputation as a wonderful vehicle for women in comedy. But, as you may have noticed, female cast members have historically had a lot harder time launching post-SNL careers than their male counterparts.

I could go over statistics about movie deals and the imbalanced releases of "Best of" compilations, but in the end it would come down to a comparison of individual cast members in terms of talent and success, and that's not what I want to focus on. What I want to do is recall the work of stand-out comediennes and take a glance at what they're doing now. Were they just as talented as the men on the show, if not more so? In most cases, yes. Are they getting the recognition they deserve? Hardly ever.

The following ladies meet the following criteria:
1. Appeared on SNL in the last 20 years. (Sorry original "Not Ready for Prime Time Players" and the unfortunate women of the early 80s.)
2. Had more than one season as a featured player.
3. Left the show before this year.
4. Aren't Tina Fey (I mean, she's amazing but enough's been said, right?)

Let's begin:

THE FRESHMAKERS
After a catastrophic season (and half-decade if we're being honest) Lorne Michaels returned to SNL and replaced most of the cast. The new cast would build momentum eventually lead the show into its second golden age.

Nora Dunn 1985–1990
Memorable skits: The Sweeney Sisters, The Pat Stevens Show, and Ashley Ashley.

Known for: Boycotting a 1990 episode in which Andrew Dice Clay would be the host because she objected to his misogynistic humor. She did't return for the following season.

Now seen in: "Hey, it's that lady!" guest roles on TV, with film appearances here and there.

Jan Hooks 1986–1991
Memorable impressions: Kathy Lee Gifford, Tammy Faye Baker, and three first ladies (Betty Ford, Nancy Reagan, and Hillary Clinton). She had a knack for exposing the neurotic side of her straight-laced targets.

Known for: Having extreme stage fright and sticking with one of the most stressful live shows on television anyway.

Now seen in: Designing Women reruns.

Victoria Jackson 1986–1991
Memorable roles: Dumb people, people with blonde hair, dumb people with blonde hair...you get the picture.

Known for: Reciting poetry while doing gymnastics; dating Weird Al Yankovich.

Now seen in: Larry the Cable Guy's Star-Studded Christmas Extravaganza.

THE SECOND GOLDEN AGE
The early nineties saw an explosion in popularity for SNL that's usually attributed to its male comedians. In fact, there were only two featured female cast members for more than one season during this time.

Julia Sweeney 1990–1994
Memorable roles: Chelsea Clinton, Pat, and Whorenun of Sprockets.

Known for: Getting her geek on.

Now seen in: Autobiographical monologues at indie film festivals, the most recent being Letting Go of God.

Ellen Cleghorne 1991–1995
Memorable roles: Queen Shenequa. Beyond that, the show failed to put her to good use beyond playing black women of the day.

Known for: Having an eponymous and exclamatory sitcom on the WB called Cleghorne! for 12 episodes.

Now seen in: Bit parts like "Lady #1", and "Trustee." Sometimes she's not even credited!

THE "FEMALE POWER TRIO" (or "Three Popular Comediennes on Saturday Night Live at the Same Time, Gasp!)
These three made a splash in the late nineties (following another big purge of the cast) for all being women, all being funny, and all being on the show at the same time.

Molly Shannon 1995–2001
Memorable characters: Mary Katherine Gallagher, Sally O' Mally, and Helen Madden, Joyologist.

Known for: Physical comedy; being one of only 3 female cast members in SNL history to have her own "Best of" collection.

Now seen in: Quality films (for the most part) and NBC's big but unpopular sitcom Kath and Kim.

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Cheri Oteri 1995–2000
Memorable skits: The Spartan Cheerleaders, Mickey "The Dyke", Morning Latte

Known for: An ability to be simultaneously raunchy and adorable; having a "Best of"collection. (The third is "Best of" woman is Gilda Radner.)

Now seen in: Guest roles in B movies.

Ana Gasteyer 1996–2002
Memorable roles: Cinder Calhoun, Celine Dion, and Bobbie Mohan-Culp the high school music teacher.

Known for: Making music funny.

Now seen in: Stage productions of musicals in Chicago.

THE TASTEMAKERS
Once Tina Fey and Amy Poehler joined the show in 2000 and 2001 (respectively), female comediennes finally became less of a novelty and more of a staple. In fact, for the past 8 years the show has relied on lady talent for some of its biggest laughs.

Rachel Dratch 1999–2007
Memorable roles: Debbie Downer, Zazu McDonough, Harry Potter

Known for: Milking her looks for all they're worth.

Now seen in: Some pretty crappy fare as far as I can tell from IMDb. However, her work in Season 1 of 30 Rock is awesome enough to carry her over for at least another year.

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Maya Rudolph 1999–2007
Memorable impressions: Condoleeza Rice, Lucy Liu, Lorne Michaels

Known for: Her incredible range.

Now seen in: An untitled Sam Mendes project, according to IMDb. Is that really all?

Having been in love with SNL since age 10 I can say that I've followed most of these women's stints on the show pretty closely, rooting for them to get bigger, better parts and more airtime. You can imagine my tween, teen, and 20-something disappointment when SNL proved to center around the dudes over and over again. Now that things really do seem to be changing (thanks again, Tina Fey), I'll pin my unfulfilled hopes on a revival of SNL's ladies of yesteryear, and hope they'll be appreciated now, if not in their own time. I'll also keep my fingers crossed that someone like Kristin Wiig has the bright future she deserves, unlike so many women before her.

[Original version posted on November 26, 2008 at bitchmagazine.org]