love in the living room

Secretly Stupid

If you've ignored your better judgement and checked out Secret Girlfriend on Comedy Central, then you already know it's the worst show on television. The constant sexism and occasional racism are big problems, but to find out what makes this show so unwatchably bad, look no further than the description from ComedyCentral.com:

Based on Atomicwedgietv.com's groundbreaking comedy series of the same name, the show follows you, your buddies and your multiple girlfriends as you deal with wild pool parties, lesbian bars, Internet fame and more. Each episode is shot entirely from your point of view and contains two back-to-back mini-sodes in which you navigate the local nightlife, hang out with friends, and try and decide which girlfriend to hang on to while keeping them from finding out about each other.

That's right, the show is shot entirely in first person (second person?), from the point of view "You". You is a white heterosexual man in You's 20s who must be extremely charming and good-looking because every woman You meets wants to do You. We see other characters interact with You by addressing the camera, but You remains silent, and the viewer can only see You speak through You's text messages, which don't get much more interesting than "Be there soon."

You basically spends the episode following You's wacky friends around while they unsuccessfully hit on women and make jokes that invariably fall flat. You always ends up in proximity to women undressing, pouring drinks down each other's shirts, or performing public sex acts. You also likes to ogle women by zooming in on their body parts -- it just so happens that every woman at every place You visits looks like an underwear model -- and these women LOVE to be zoomed in on. In fact, every one of them responds with come-hither eye contact. The idea is that the viewer can live vicariously through You while You gets lucky.

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I'm sure the wunderkinds behind Secret Girlfriend would celebrate it being called thinly veiled porn for adolescent boys. But my question is, WHY WOULD BOYS WATCH THIS INSTEAD OF ACTUAL PORN? Teens these days can see fully naked people doing anything and everything via the magic of the internet -- and the acting is probably better! Why do they settle for this porn-lite garbage? But, while Secret Girlfriend has been panned by critics, ratings averaged 1.37 million viewers over the first four episodes. That makes it one of Comedy Central's strongest shows.

I can only guess that impressionable adolescent viewers are more intrigued by the premise than the T&A: 20-something dudes not working, getting wasted, dating lots of girls, etc. I admit it seems pretty fun from a teen perspective, and these activities wouldn't be so bad in a different context. It's just that this context is built around representations of women as giggling sex objects who happily go home with the men in the car next to them, or get turned on when they catch their neighbor spying while they do yoga. (Yep, those things happened. No, it still wasn't interesting.) Seriously, can't we just go back to the bored-housewife-meets-delivery-boy thing?

[Also posted at bitchmagazine.org]

Cougar Me This

I have no aversion to the romantic comedy format. Show me a quirky heroine, a funny/cocky/cute love interest, a sassy best friend, and I'll generally follow you anywhere. But, while ABC's Cougar Town has all of these things, I just wasn't interested. Why? Because the word "cougar" is in the title.

I've been trying to sit this whole "cougar" thing out since about 2006, but it just won't die. Why does this stupid word live on? The double-standard is already well noted: Men over 40 have been hooking up with younger women for ages, therefore it's sexist to have a derogatory term for women who do the same thing. Maybe the word has staying power precisely because it's been deemed derogatory. Now TV writers are deluding themselves that the word is both funny and controversial. (It's neither.)

I could only assume that a show called Cougar Town would be woefully, painfully, pathetically unfunny as well. But I'm happy to say it's not. Courtney Cox is still a great physical comedian, Christie Miller is more delightfully neurotic than ever, and I love Busy Phillips. I just love her. The three share a lot of fast-paced dialog that makes me laugh in spite of myself...and in spite of some pretty disturbing lines, like, "I used to be young and hot, now I'm just a big pile of old."

Yes, body insecurity absolutely dominates the conversation, and it's especially hard to swallow coming from the painstakingly preserved Courtney Cox (playing Jules), who is still hotter than most 22-year-olds. If ABC wants to do this cougar thing, why not go with the uber-aggressive sex goddess in leopard print and stilettos who seduces young men for her own pleasure? That stereotype is a lot more fun than the wrinkle-obsessed basket case frantically clinging to her youth.

The most annoying thing about the title is that it doesn't even describe the show. Of the three female leads, Jules is the only single woman over 40, and she's pretty timid about dating due to her recent divorce. She's seeing a few younger guys, but her main love interest is a same-aged neighbor. Why isn't the show just called " Rom-Com Village" or "Finding Herself City"? The age difference between Jules and her younger partners is uneventful, and totally beside the point.

If you're looking for a guilty pleasure, Cougar Town might do it for you. (I, for one, am keeping my season pass.) Just be sure to have a paper and pen handy, because you might want to note your discontent once they start weighing themselves or whatever.

[Also posted at bitchmagazine.org]