love in the living room

Stars Holla

Despite my love of smart teenage girls and rapid-fire cultural references, I never got into Gilmore Girls during its seven-season run. I’m pretty sure I thought I was too edgy for a show featuring a lovable mother and daughter living in a picturesque New England town.

Good thing edginess is no longer a factor in my viewing decisions, because I happened to stumble into some reruns a few weeks ago and then I had to go back and start at Season 1 and now I can’t stop watching. Aside from making me want to pick up and move to Connecticut (maybe I could be best friends with Sookie!), Gilmore Girls has reminded me just how great TV can be. Fully drawn characters, nuanced relationships, brilliant dialog, and the occasional scene that makes me cry -- how many shows have so much to offer?

Most people read Gilmore Girls as feminist (it was part of that golden era of the WB when Felicity protested for reproductive rights and lesbians kissed for the first time on Buffy). Rory and Lorelai openly question gender expectations while maintaining their love of make-up, flowers, The Bangles, etc. So, feminism. But I think there’s something simpler at the show’s heart.

What makes me want to watch episode after episode is that every character is a good person who’s doing their best. There are no villains. Okay, Paris is rude and Emily is controlling, but their motivations are sympathetic, and we know where they’re coming from even when other characters don’t. Every person’s feelings are equally valid, though they can’t always communicate them to each other. It’s kind of like real life except it takes place in the world’s most charming town.

“Women are great” is a message here, but so is “Give people the benefit of the doubt” and “Follow your dreams” and “You should live in Stars Hollow.” It takes an incredible show to convey these ideas with such grace, humor, and subtlety. So thanks, Gilmore Girls. Messages received.

 

Secretly Stupid

If you've ignored your better judgement and checked out Secret Girlfriend on Comedy Central, then you already know it's the worst show on television. The constant sexism and occasional racism are big problems, but to find out what makes this show so unwatchably bad, look no further than the description from ComedyCentral.com:

Based on Atomicwedgietv.com's groundbreaking comedy series of the same name, the show follows you, your buddies and your multiple girlfriends as you deal with wild pool parties, lesbian bars, Internet fame and more. Each episode is shot entirely from your point of view and contains two back-to-back mini-sodes in which you navigate the local nightlife, hang out with friends, and try and decide which girlfriend to hang on to while keeping them from finding out about each other.

That's right, the show is shot entirely in first person (second person?), from the point of view "You". You is a white heterosexual man in You's 20s who must be extremely charming and good-looking because every woman You meets wants to do You. We see other characters interact with You by addressing the camera, but You remains silent, and the viewer can only see You speak through You's text messages, which don't get much more interesting than "Be there soon."

You basically spends the episode following You's wacky friends around while they unsuccessfully hit on women and make jokes that invariably fall flat. You always ends up in proximity to women undressing, pouring drinks down each other's shirts, or performing public sex acts. You also likes to ogle women by zooming in on their body parts -- it just so happens that every woman at every place You visits looks like an underwear model -- and these women LOVE to be zoomed in on. In fact, every one of them responds with come-hither eye contact. The idea is that the viewer can live vicariously through You while you get lucky.

Secret Girlfriend
Nude Beach
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I'm sure the wunderkinds behind Secret Girlfriend would celebrate it being called thinly veiled porn for adolescent boys. But my question is, WHY WOULD BOYS WATCH THIS INSTEAD OF ACTUAL PORN? Teens these days can see fully naked people doing anything and everything via the magic of the internet -- and the acting is probably better! Why do they settle for this porn-lite garbage? But, while Secret Girlfriend has been panned by critics, ratings averaged 1.37 million viewers over the first four episodes. That makes it one of Comedy Central's strongest shows.

I can only guess that impressionable adolescent viewers are more intrigued by the premise than the T&A: 20-something dudes not working, getting wasted, dating lots of girls, etc. I admit it seems pretty fun from a teen perspective, and these activities wouldn't be so bad in a different context. It's just that this context is built around representations of women as giggling sex objects who happily go home with the men in the car next to them, or get turned on when they catch their neighbor spying while they do yoga. (Yep, those things happened. No, it still wasn't interesting.) Seriously, can't we just go back to the bored-housewife-meets-delivery-boy thing?

[Also posted at bitchmagazine.org]

Cougar Me This

I have no aversion to the romantic comedy format. Show me a quirky heroine, a funny/cocky/cute love interest, a sassy best friend, and I'll generally follow you anywhere. But, while ABC's Cougar Town has all of these things, I just wasn't interested. Why? Because the word "cougar" is in the title.

I've been trying to sit this whole "cougar" thing out since about 2006, but it just won't die. Why does this stupid word live on? The double-standard is already well noted: Men over 40 have been hooking up with younger women for ages, therefore it's sexist to have a derogatory term for women who do the same thing. Maybe the word has staying power precisely because it's been deemed derogatory. Now TV writers are deluding themselves that the word is both funny and controversial. (It's neither.)

I could only assume that a show called Cougar Town would be woefully, painfully, pathetically unfunny as well. But I'm happy to say it's not. Courtney Cox is still a great physical comedian, Christie Miller is more delightfully neurotic than ever, and I love Busy Phillips. I just love her. The three share a lot of fast-paced dialog that makes me laugh in spite of myself...and in spite of some pretty disturbing lines, like, "I used to be young and hot, now I'm just a big pile of old."
Yes, body insecurity absolutely dominates the conversation, and it's especially hard to swallow coming from the painstakingly preserved Courtney Cox (playing Jules), who is still hotter than most 22-year-olds. If ABC wants to do this cougar thing, why not go with the uber-aggressive sex goddess in leopard print and stilettos who seduces young men for her own pleasure? That stereotype is a lot more fun than the wrinkle-obsessed basket case frantically clinging to her youth.

The most annoying thing about the title is that it doesn't even describe the show. Of the three female leads, Jules is the only single woman over 40, and she's pretty timid about dating due to her recent divorce. She's seeing a few younger guys, but her main love interest is a same-aged neighbor. Why isn't the show just called " Rom-Com Village" or "Finding Herself City"? The age difference between Jules and her younger partners is uneventful, and totally beside the point.

If you're looking for a guilty pleasure, Cougar Town might do it for you. (I, for one, am keeping my season pass.) Just be sure to have a paper and pen handy, because you might want to note your discontent once they start weighing themselves or whatever.

[Also posted at bitchmagazine.org]

I had written off More to Love as just another step in fat-sploitation, and maybe I would have gone on that way without ever knowing for sure. But last weekend on The Soup, Joel McHale illustrated the intrinsic hypocrisy in my assumption by first criticizing the show’s producers for showcasing the women’s weight, and then commencing with the fat jokes. I was so offended that I had to see for myself. And now I’m completely hooked and will be watching every episode to the bitter end/proposal.

More to Love features 20 plus-sized women competing for the love of one man, and thus straddles two genres: Shows About Fat People (for the record, I’m using “fat” as a size descriptor, not a value judgment), and Shows About Lonely, Desperate, Crazy People (full value judgment intended). In the Fat People genre, we have The Biggest Loser, Celebrity Fit Club, Dance Your Ass Off, etc., which presents weight loss as an inspirational goal while playing on the audience’s freak-show fascination with obesity. In the dating genre, we have The Bachelor and Bachelorette, VH1’s of Love series, etc. Here, the goal is love as represented by romantic clichés like roses, hot tubs, and proposals on the beach, and the entertainment lies in watching people act ridiculous in love's pursuit.

As with all dating shows, the contestants with self-esteem approach More to Love as a game they’re trying to win, and therefore seem less crazy/more relatable. Then there are the many unstable participants who can’t stop crying. These poor sad ladies already consider Luke to be the love of their life and face potential heartbreak at every elimination. Next week there’s a simulated prom, so you can just imagine all the not-so-repressed adolescent trauma that’s going to dredge up. But that kind of drama is par for the dating-competition course. The difference here is that the contestant’s issues center on weight rather than crappy ex-boyfriends, inattentive parents, or whatever other problems drive people to enter these competitions.

Another difference is Luke, the 300 pound male object, who prefers full-figured women and is revered because of it. My favorite contestant, Bonnie, summed up the premise pretty well: “It’s great to be competing for the love of a person who would love us no matter what we look like.” 

Luke is two parts sweetie pie and one part lech. His attraction to large women comes off more like a fetish than a normal inclination. I can’t help but cringe at the way he ogles the contestants (to their delight) and ends EVERY conversation with a kiss on the lips. Then again, he really tries to make everyone feel comfortable and secure. And how can you resist adorable bro-isms like “Why have a 6-pack when you can have the whole keg?” Luke is a worthy love interest, but it’s sad that so many of the women already think he’s the only one in the world who could be attracted to them.

And that’s the thing. I want to see more women on TV who exceed the size standard, but I don’t want them to be regarded as freaks because of it. The opening credits almost address this: “The average woman on a dating show: Size 2. The average American woman: Size 14.” Including average and above-average sizes in the scope of TV romance is a worthwhile endeavor, and it’s refreshing to see a show featuring heavier people that isn’t about weight loss (even if we have to anticipate that Luke and his lady will shed some pounds and endorse diet products after the finale). But if this is really about expanding our concept of a normal size, then why are there so many shots of fat women crying about how much they weigh?

Of course, the topper is that while Fox bemoans the exclusion of average-sized women from dating shows, it’s excluding average-sized women from dating shows. If they really want to represent more sizes, why not just integrate the competition? Maybe reality TV is always exploitative, but if that’s the case we should all be exploited equally, not separately.

Fluff and Tumble

It may come as no surprise that Make It or Break It has won my heart. It's a show about teens. It's a show about gymnastics. It's got new episodes in the summer. What's not to love?

Teen and sports drama clichés are so gleefully embraced that they become part of the attraction. There’s the likeable poor girl, Emily Kmetko (Chelsea Hobbs), who’s always cool to everyone and doesn’t know she’s pretty. There’s a spoiled blonde villainess (Lauren, played by Cassie Scerbo) who fixes competitions and says “daddy” a lot. And then there’s Sasha Beloff (played by Neil Jackson), an ex-coach who'd grown so disillusioned with the sport that he retreated to an actual cabin in the woods until the team inspired him to return to civilization.

I was sure my inner feminist would have at least a few things to cringe about, this being ABC Family after all, but they actually do a great job of focusing on the incredible dedication and physical endurance required for the sport, rather than glamorizing the more effeminate performance aspects. Even the leotards are just as dorky as anything you’d see in a real-life gym, right down to the matching scrunchies. (Girls being dorky is also awesome.) And while I'm almost always disturbed by the skinniness of teen actresses no matter how girl-powered their characters are, it seems okay here because gymnasts are thin. Plus, the show explicitly acknowledges that the main characters don't menstruate due to lack of body fat. So even if they meet an extreme physical standard, at least they experience weird shit as a result.

A surprisingly solid cast saves the mechanical elements of the script. Hobbs, Scerbo, Ayla Kell, and Josie Loren manage to make lines like “They sell leos off the rack now?” “I can’t believe Lauren ate mat on the beam,” and “Holy shizzle” come off as endearing. I'm also delighted to see Candace Cameron Bure in a recurring role as Summer, daddy's Christian girlfriend. (I’m sure she refused take the role unless she could talk about the Lord once per episode, and ABC Family was all, “Anything you want, Candace, we simply must have you for this minor part!”). I love the many teen boy love interests too, especially Nico Tortorella (also appearing on The Beautiful Life this Fall, which in my dreams is the next Model’s Inc.). He plays this dude named Razor who sings in a punk band and likes gymnastics. It's fun to see a twist on the usual bad boy thing. Plus his even badder band-mate, Damon, is after Emily, and Razor's about to go out of town. What will happen?!

I can't possibly claim that Make It or Break It is the best TV has to offer. I'm kind of desperate for quality programming right now and may be a little prone to settling . But even if it's just a summer fling, I'll have no regrets come fall (probably). If you're still not convinced of the strange wonders Make It or Break It has to offer, I give you tumble intimidation:

Holy shizzle!

Glory Days

I've been a fan of Days of Our Lives since the age of 5, when I used to sit quietly with my babysitter while she watched it. I didn't totally understand the dialog, but I could sense that it was dramatic and exciting. Weekday television was limited in my house, and the content wasn't exactly kid-friendly, but between viewings at friends' houses and the occasional day home sick from school, I managed to follow along.

Then something magical happened in the summer of 1993: Vivian Alamain buried Carly Manning alive. My younger sister and I were watching it one afternoon while my mom was out. When she got home and we summarized the plot, her curiosity got the best of her. "I'll just watch until Carly gets out of that coffin," she said. We were hooked.

I was smack in the middle of junior high that year, and I needed the escape. Things weren't exactly awesome between me and my mom, or me and my little sister, or me and anyone. But every afternoon at 4:00 we converged to watch Days. Sure, we rolled our eyes and cracked jokes, but we were into it nonetheless. Sami Brady, Billie Reed, even Stefano DiMera...we loved them all.

        













Turns out we weren't the only ones lured to the show by the "Carly's Buried Alive" plot. It was the first major storyline by new head writer James E. Reilly, and gained media attention and high ratings for its outlandishness. Reilly became known for writing that pushed the boundaries of possibility even more than soap operas usually did. His villains were more diabolical, his heroines were more gullible, and the ongoing battle of good vs. evil that had gripped Salem since 1965 took on epic proportions. It was a golden age.

Reilly's writing wasn't just bizarre — it was intricate. Even the subplots reverberated to every character in the show, influencing their relationships and creating new subplots. Reilly showed women rare respect by treating them as discerning viewers who deserved quality storytelling. He also set himself apart by appealing to their sense of humor.

Within a few years my afternoons filled up with boys who could drive and extracurricular activities, but my mom still gave me occasional updates on Marlena getting possessed by the devil and Kristen's identical sisters. That's right, she kept up with the show long after Carly got out of that coffin.

James E. Reilly died in October of last year, and fans or Days of Our Lives and Passions wept. I didn't know his name when his work was most important to me, but I know now that he had a profound influence on my understanding of storytelling, and even non-fiction writing. He demanded a level of engagement that was rare in the soap opera world, and raised the bar for daytime television. Some people hated what he was doing, but Reilly was okay with that. "Be angry at me! Hate me!" he said, "It shows that you are involved. But watch the show and see what happens. Stay tuned!"

Sex, Videotape, and Fries

Wow, Burger King did it. I was sure Carl's Junior had this in the bag, but no. Burger King has actually succeeded in airing the most sexist fast food commercial of all time. I’m talking, of course, about the ad for BK Burger Shots.

Where do I even begin? Let’s start with the idea that women are so baby-obsessed that they think everything small is a baby. Which leads us to the even weirder idea that when women think they are in the presence of a baby, they make orgasm sounds and want to do whoever is holding said baby/small thing/BK burger shot. But what offends me most is the assumption that hamburgers are so alien to women that they don’t even know you’re supposed to eat them.

Of course, Burger King ads aren’t the only ones that portray women eating fast food as strange or even taboo, and they certainly aren’t the first to sexualize that taboo. Carl’s Junior (runner up) has been fetishizing women's relationships with burgers for years.

Seriously, if you ever forget why you’re a feminist (or are interested in becoming one), just do a YouTube search for Carl’s Junior commercial. Can we boycott them already? Oh, wait, Carl’s Junior isn't trying to court female customers anyway. They're betting that boy money alone is going to keep them in business, maybe because the very thought of a woman eating a hamburger is just so absurd to these people. As a woman who likes hamburgers (yes, even the fast food kind) it pisses me off to see them portrayed as a male food that women only eat as a sexy spectacle.

And really, men should be insulted too. None of the men I know would buy a hamburger just because there was a woman gyrating woman in front of it. So why are ad execs still relying on a premise that insults everyone involved? Is junk food just a sexist industry?

SIGH. PETA, I’m boycotting you too.

[Also posted at bitchmagazine.org]

: Gabrielle Anwar

Remember when Gabrielle Anwar was the ultimate ingénue? She played sweet but determined young-lady characters like nobody’s business, and everyone seemed to be in consensus that she was the prettiest girl in the world. (People magazine even made it official by including her in their 1993 list.)  As a tween viewer in 1991, Anwar’s tomboy look and courageous horse-diving in Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken made me a lifelong fan. And then there was her seminal appearance as the burrito-loving ice-skater on Beverly Hills, 90210. (Apparently the 9-0 writers liked The Cutting Edge almost as much as I did.)

But after the famous tango scene in Scent of a Woman, Anwar’s career went B-list, and then C-list. And, as with so many other ultimate ingénues, no one seemed to notice. There must have been a new prettiest-girl-in-the-world that year. Maybe Neve Campbell?

So imagine my delight at seeing Anwar return to the small screen as Fiona Glenanne on Burn Notice. Fiona’s got more of an edge than Anwar’s earlier characters. She’s a morally ambiguous former IRA agent who dates the protagonist, but has a greater passion for shooting bad guys.

It’s always refreshing to watch a female character in an action show who matches the male protagonist in skills, smarts, and plain old bad-assery. It’s even more refreshing that Burn Notice casts age-appropriate actresses across the board. As a low-budget USA series about spies, it could easily have gotten away with having a 20-year-old woman play opposite a 30-something dude (hell, high-budget action movies do it almost every time). But Burn Notice eschews the cult of the ingénue in favor of more experienced actresses of an appropriate age (who, for the record, are still crazy good-looking). It’s a smart move -- Anwar’s gumption and gravitas have only increased with age, and she brings a lot more to Fiona than just a pretty face.

With a recurring role on The Tudors as well, you might say Anwar is getting better parts than she did in her first blush of fame. And that makes the world seem a little more right.

Hall That She Wants

The Girls of Hedsor Hall isn’t that different from other behavioral competitions in reality tv-land. It features good-looking people with impulse-control issues trying to behave, but mostly acting crazy. And yes, they are competing for a cash prize. We’ve seen it before: 12 so-called bad girls enter, one reformed good girl  leaves (with $100,000).The difference lies in the setting. Rather than being instructed by celebrity  psychologists or plain-old celebrities, the contestants are attending one of the most famous finishing schools in England. Headmistress Gill Harbord and Disciplinarian Rosemary Schrager lend an authenticity to Hedsor Hall that’s rare in the genre. (For instance, their accents aren’t in question, unlike the heavily voiced-over Trina Dolenz on Tool Academy.) You just can’t fake English like this. 

The girls are supposed to learn to be “ladies,” a role that’s very clearly defined in traditional English etiquette. It’s weirdly fascinating to see a feminine ideal so unabashedly embraced as something for young women to aspire to. And at the same time, Hedsor Hall’s definition of “lady-like” behavior is much more inclusive than one might expect.

The Girls of Hedsor Hall - MTV Shows

Okay, we have the predictable posture exercises, painting lessons, and flower arranging classes. And then there’s falconry, hunting, and pheasant stuffing! Hedsor Hall promotes a brand of femininity that isn’t just about being dainty and delicate, even if it is limited to outdated pass-times of the English upper class. (I think we’re all ready hoping for falconry to make a popular comeback, though. Am I right?)

The school crest stands for “everything that defines a true lady,” explains Former misbehaving Miss USA/visiting instructor Tara Connor, “Dignity, Discipline, and Grace.” The Hall rules are just as predictable: No swearing, no excess drinking, no men in the rooms, no fighting. Contestants have also learned some of the unspoken rules the hard way. No refusing to get out of bed, for example. No smirking. And absolutely no talking about sex work!

Not surprisingly, a handful of the girls strip or make porn for a living, and the Headmistresses are “disgusted” whenever it comes up. One contestant, Brianna, almost got expelled for discussing her adult website when someone at a donor luncheon asked about her career. I hesitate to place any of the Hedsor Hall contestants in a “Support Sex Workers!” discussion (I’m sure most real-life sex workers would rather not be associated with these people), but it does raise some hackles to see sex work being so roundly dissed. Harbord and Schrager seem to believe that being a sex worker has nothing to do with socio-economic situations and everything to do with bad manners. It’s a bit closed-minded, to say the least.

But to be honest, I’m charmed by the idea of etiquette having the power to thwart sex work. Harbord and Schrager emphasize self-respect over and over again as the most important part of being a lady. Since Brianna has admitted that she believes her body is her most positive attribute, I really want to see Hedsor Hall prove her wrong. Maybe impeccable manners will become her best asset, or, better yet, falconry. Or maybe the girls will simply gain the skills to have more confidence in classrooms and job interviews. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it’s just another MTV reality show, but I’m totally sold. Blame it on the British.

[Also posted at bitchmagazine.org]

Sex Education

TV culture is obsessed with the idea of adolescent fornication, but not really in a “sex is sexy!” kind of way. More like in a fearful, moralizing, “sex is dangerous!” kind of way. The Secret Life of the American Teen, for example, follows an ensemble of teenagers (the most prominent of whom is a pregnant 15-year-old) as they sleep with each other, suffer the negative consequences, and then exchange incredibly dull, explanatory dialog about what they've learned.

Even racier teen dramas tend to focus on the dire emotional consequences that inevitably follow virginity loss. It almost always ends in shame, regret, and/or a break-up. Viewers are getting an eyeful of cautionary tales telling them sex is bad...and the vast majority of them are teenage girls.

I get that teen dramas need drama, and there’s nothing like a pregnancy scare or virginity freak-out to move a plot. But real teen couples (like adult couples) are capable of sleeping together and remaining in love, un-pregnant, and disease-free. Do we see that on TV? Well, sometimes. Here’s a little report card grading how well teen dramas have handled teen sex on screen.

C

In retrospect, Beverly Hills, 90210’s scandalous rep belies a rather chaste TV culture. It was a really big deal when Brenda Walsh and Dylan McKay, both juniors in high school, decided to lose their virginity together at the Spring Dance. The show’s willingness to tackle a taboo even led critics to call it hard-hitting and controversial, descriptions that will draw looks askance from most modern-day viewers. For all the bravado of their first time, Brenda and Dylan didn’t maintain a healthy sexual relationship. Just one episode later, Brenda regrets going all the way (for unexplained reasons), then has a pregnancy scare, then breaks up with mega-fox Dylan. Three cautionary tales in one!
Still, Bev-H0 gets points for doing it first.

B

For all its intelligence and soulful characters, Dawson’s Creek didn’t exactly revolutionize teen sex on TV. It was sex that sparked the demise of both major loves stories (at least in the high school years), if in very different ways. After Dawson Leery spent half a season pining for Jen Lindley, they finally started dating. When an old boyfriend of Jen's came to visit,  Dawson decided Jen was too promiscuous. He would regret his judgment later and ask Jen to come back, but Jen stood up for herself and turned him down.

As for Joey Potter and Pacey Witter (the show’s fan-favorite couple) their relationship problems ensued the morning after they had sex, and culminated in a tragic prom break-up that would go unredeemed for the remaining 3 seasons. Sex: It's complicated.

A+

Sex doesn’t get much more tragic than your partner losing his soul and trying to murder all your friends, which is exactly what happened to Buffy Summers when she bedded her BF, Angel on Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. But Joss Whedon’s over-the-top treatment of a break-up gave us a surprisingly relatable look at the emotional risks of intimacy, rather than the usual scary story about social consequences. You might even say Buffy satirized the way teen sex was normally portrayed on teen television.
Extra credit for top-notch dialog!

F

Marissa and Ryan only did it once or twice in their seasons-long relationship on The O.C. because they were too busy having misunderstandings, breaking up, getting back together, and having misunderstandings. The question of whether they would have sex became more important than the sex itself. In a way it was the ultimate teen drama relationship: All attraction and no pleasure.
Minus points for going on way too long.

A

To The O.C.’s credit, Summer Roberts and Seth Cohen were one of the first teen couples to have sex and a functioning relationship. Sure, their first time was a little awkward due to misunderstandings about who was a virgin, but they managed to work through it over the course of one episode. Seth and Summer maintained an ultimately loving relationship throughout the series (despite a few requisite separations along the way), without sex functioning as a the be-all and (more importantly) end-all.
Plus 10% for being two of my favorite characters ever!

B+

One Tree Hill is easily the most sensationalistic show of its kind, but it has a damn healthy outlook on sex. Take Lucas and Brooke, the series’ predominant (unmarried) couple, at least in the high school years. They had their share of break-ups and make-ups, two of which involved pregnancy scares. But when they were together they enjoyed a fun, loving sex…and plenty of it. Make-up credit for Brooke being super confident and assertive.

A-

Veronica Mars portrayed its fair share of sexual violence, teen pregnancy, and emotional trauma, but it dealt with those issues in a very feminist way. Bad stuff didn't happen as the result of sex, it happened as the result of a fucked up society. Even as the title character tracked down her rapist she was able to engage in healthy sexual relationships, the most prominent (and hottest) of which was with Logan Echols. Minor point penalty for Logan and Veronica breaking up too many times.

C+

The O.C. writers returned to bless us with Gossip Girl, a gorgeous show that makes up in style what it lacks in plot development. Serena Van der Woodsen and Dan Humphrey are the new Ryan and Marissa, complete with copious break-ups and limited sex.

And then there’s Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass, the excessively complicated couple who can never decide whether to ef each other over or just ef. It would be easy to lump them in with all the other teen couples for whom drama is the epitome of love, except that Blair and Chuck’s romance is so much more sensual than the usual teen fair. Gossip Girl has taken the will-they-or-won’t-they teen sex trope to they-already-have-and-now-it’s-a-question-of-who-will-win-the-epic-power-struggle-surrounding-sex. (Either-way-it’s-going-to-be-hot.) It may not be the healthiest portrayal of sex on TV, but Gossip Girl gets points for making sex look sexy. And the fact that the girls want it just as much as the guys? Exceeds Expectations.

So there we have it. If you’d like to dispute a grade or offer up other shows for evaluation, comments will be taken under consideration.

[Original version posted on February 10, 2009 at bitchmagazine.org]